FROM THE DESK OF

E. ✦

Editor-in-Chief, recipe corner, copy desk, driving
Letter №1 filed late

Dear Reader,

Okay. Hershel told me to write a real introductory letter and I have been actively avoiding it for several weeks, which means by the time you are reading this, this letter has either been rewritten in a panic at 11 PM on a Thursday or it has been quietly inserted by Hershel while I was tutoring.

I am Elia. I am one of two editors of this publication. My duties include the calendar, the recipe corner, most of the cooking that ends up in the recipe corner, photography on Sundays, talking us out of starting a business approximately twice a month, and reminding Hershel that there is, in fact, a deadline.

For the record, a list of what I bring to the partnership:

  • I do, despite reports, like coding
  • I drive
  • I can tutor Calculus I, having recently taught it to myself in approximately four hours
  • I owned the Rubik's-cube-tutorial market in Israel for one (1) afternoon
  • I will be there in five minutes, except that I will not

A counter-list of things I do not bring: sports; punctuality on Shabbat; patience for Hershel's guitar tempo during candle-lighting; the ability to sit through the middle of a movie.

I would like to note, for the historical record, that I was the one who suggested BananaGrams on the night of November 5, 2023. This is, on the available evidence, the most consequential thing I have ever done with my evening. I will be accepting credit retroactively for the entire rest of this publication on that basis.

Thanks for reading. Please write in. We need the engagement.

Yours, against my better instincts —

Elia
Co-Editor-in-Chief · Hershelia
I did not kick him out of the dorm in the early morning of Dec. 10. He left voluntarily. The chronicle on p. 04 contains a small inaccuracy on this point that I have, in editorial capacity, declined to correct.
the car keys
orange soup
"I do like coding"
taught to adir
FROM THE DESK OF

H. ✦

Co-Editor, tasting desk, soundtrack, layout
Letter №2 finished at 4 AM

To the Reader,

Welcome to Issue Number One.

I will keep this short, in the interest of word count and the fact that my co-editor has allegedly already filed her letter, which means I am, by definition, late.

I am Hershel. My responsibilities at this publication include cooking everything in the recipe corner that Elia did not cook; layout; all references to Doctor Who, Rick and Morty, and Percy Jackson; the scooter; the soundtrack; and the pulling of all-nighters on deadlines I could have started two weeks earlier.

I will note, for the record, that on November 8, 2023, I arrived at Elia's apartment and immediately fell asleep on her bed for several hours. I have, at multiple subsequent intervals, described this as the best sleep of my life. Editorial has refused to retract the claim despite considerable pressure.

A short list of confirmed facts about the editor:

  • I do not, in fact, come from a loaded family
  • I sat at the wrong end of the bed on the night of Nov. 5, which is what caused the BananaGrams. Credit for the BananaGrams belongs to Elia. Credit for the wrong end of the bed belongs, on the record, to me.
  • I once took the wrong train to Binyamina
  • I have, on at least three occasions, been mistaken for Elia's cousin
  • I make a defensible chicken soup

I look forward to the next sixty-three days, and the sixty-three after those.

Sincerely, before the deadline —

Hershel
Co-Editor-in-Chief · Hershelia
I did not, contrary to the chronicle's account on p. 04, push Elia off the bed. I gently relocated her. The headline writer has been spoken to.
the slow guitar
800g steak
"property of h."
wrong train
The Hershelia · A Two-Person Publication, Staffed by Two Persons
Editor-in-ChiefElia
Co-Editor-in-ChiefHershel
Recipe EditorElia
Tasting EditorHershel
Cooking, SundaysBoth
Cooking, 2 AMElia
SoundtrackHershel (slowly)
Stop-Motion DirectorBoth, eventually
IllustrationBoth, after hours
Copy DeskElia
LayoutHershel
ProofreadingAcknowledged as a weakness
PhotographyElia (Sundays)
Boomer Phone CallsHershel
DrivingElia
ScooterHershel
Sticky NotesFounding archive
CharcuterieHershel
Legal CounselArik (short-term only)
Spiritual CounselRav Noam, Rav Shmuel, Rav Shmuel's baby
SubscriptionsClosed (pop. 2)
AdvertisingBy appointment only
DistributionHand-to-hand
PrinterThe Internet
FoundedNov. 5, 2023, over Catan
Reporting BiasAcknowledged
OFFICIALLY
UNOFFICIAL
·№001·

This publication exists because we couldn't stop telling each other about ourselves and figured we may as well charge the rest of you fifteen shekels for the privilege.

We do not anticipate publishing on a schedule. We anticipate publishing whenever something happens that we feel meets our editorial standards, which are, as yet, undefined.

Thank you for reading. Please address all letters of complaint to the other one.

H. & E.
Letters from the Editors  ·  Hershelia №1  ·  Page 02 of 24  ·  hershelia.com